rebel_yell_xvx

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:15:18 GMT

Not too much to talk about.
I'm moving into my moms house in a matter of days.
I have to give Claude away for a while until I can get a place of my own.
I don't like talking about it. It makes me cry.
I read a lot again. I like that.
I don't see a lot of people anymore.
I like it in the sense that I can so a lot of soul searching, and accomplish more personal goals and what not.
I hate it in the sense that I miss these people with all my heart and would love nothing more than to hang out with them, all of them, like last year but hey, I guess that's what summer is for right? RIGHT?! so yeah, hit me up guys, I'd love to see all of youuu!!

I visit Gabbie at Lids and help her sell hats. I flirt with men and tell them they look nice in their cap.
I get drunk with James on the weekend. I really do adore him. I can't believe we've been friends for a year. I never really expected us to be friends at all, but we clicked for some bizare reason. I enjoy his company cery much.

I eat too much fast food. Shame on me.
I walk a lot though. I like to think that compensates for it.

I don't write a lot of anything anymore. It makes me meloncholy. Nothing seems to sound good enough.

I like talking about books a lot now. I like it when people talk about books with me.

I love my job @ DEB. The girls are awesome, my duties kick ass, and I bust shoplifters like it's nobodies business. I may be getting a promotion, which means raise, which means goodbye Shaws. Hooray!

I really don't know what I want out of life right now. I didn't graduate highschool...again. I don't care though. I stopped caring a while ago. I'm not sure if I ever cared at all. I could try for my GED, or I could try one more time. Either way I know I'm a joke to myself. I feel like I've let my parents down a lot. But they've let me down a lot too, so I guess it evens out? Then why do I still feel so shitty? Oh yeah, Im cheating myself out of a very valuable thing, I just wish I cared more. I guess that's what bothers me. Not the fact that I didn't gradaute, the fact that I don't care that I don't care. Make sense? My apathy towards the situation is bothersome to me.

I want a change. I'm going to do something to my hair. How Carrie Bradshaw of me.

The other night I found myself sitting on a street corner crying my eyes because it felt like no one in my family wanted me. I've felt that way for a while now, I know it's my own dooming sense of paranoia that makes me feel that way...or is it? I know my family loves me. Whatever it is, I hope it goes away soon, and I find someone, anyone who wants me around. I feel like a burden to a lot of people.

I had an incredibly brief fling with a 33 year old who turned out to be the laughing stock of the music industry. We talked a grand total of 7 days, and I still get incredibly depressed when I think about him, and he was the dick. It's a shame he was an insensitive prick, I'm convinced he would have made a wonderful boyfriend. Needless to say, I'm still hurt confused, and hella spiteful. I have letting go issues.

I've gotten trashed and made out with several men at parties. I work in the mall with one of them, it's incredibly awkward now when I go to McDonalds. whatever though, I'm young, and apparently that makes life all about being stupid and having awkward quasi sexual encounters.

Anywhooooo, I wrote way more than I expected to and that's not even all I wanted to say. So that is what's going in my life right now. It's not exciting, it's not glamorous, and it's not how it was supposed to turn out, but it's the hand I got delt, and I'm making the most of it.

And don't forget,
I love you all even if I have a funny way of showing it
<3333

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 02:12:02 GMT

My dad just told me we're being kicked out of our house....

I am truly terrified..

Sun, 10 Feb 2008 06:01:18 GMT

AN UPDATE OF LIFE THUS FAR:

I have the internet back at my house after what appears to be around 4 months with out it, thus proving that I can survive with out it.

I have a crush on every boy
*teen girl squad reference...also very true.

I am 19 years old.

I am very poor.

I will be acquiring a house with ryan roy, julia, and hopefully taylor sometime around the summer.

I have pink eye.....again.

I take one single class at CCV, and it's actually really really fun.

I am thinking about attending near full time around the fall

I still work at Shaws.

I have a strange new love for hip hop.
Chelsea Montanai and I....are essentially the same person...she just has better boobs.

My throat really hurts.

Im still classy.

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 14:42:36 GMT

I am being published in the Burlington Free Press.
It's a shitty local newspaper.
But, I am being published in something.

Sat, 29 Sep 2007 13:08:26 GMT

Is it weird that I think you might be the only man in my life right now who gets me...or who will just listen in general?
"Is Hannah good in class?"
Looks at me. Looks at admistrator.
"She's phenominal"

It's a shame you're happily married.

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 06:20:13 GMT

This summer has easily been the best of my life. After last years went so dreadfully, it was time for a change.
I have truly loved almost every minute of it. I have met people, connected with people, and re connected with people who will forever change my life.
I have gotten trashed off everything from $4 wine to $45 vodka.
I have made poor decisions.
I have made wise ones.
Oh man, have I made some poor decisons.
I've taken risks I've been dreaming of since 8th grade.
I've smoked myself into crazed stupors.
I've made several rude telephone calls.
I have bought cute clothes.
I've had cash out the ass to spend
I've been broke as all fuck.
I've been respected
I've been hated [...i think.]

I've had the most amazing time an 18 year old girl about to repeat her seniour year could have.
=]

Anyone Remember...

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 18:34:42 GMT

Remember the time we all sat outside school. It was late, and none of us brought money for that stupid dance. So we just hung outside while the cool kids danced to music we didn't even like. And we laughed, and walked to Ballards, and Paul and Kyle built a fortress of rocks, and everyone held hands with everyone because it was no big deal.

Euny, Remember when you and I walked all around downtown, and then to Battery St Jeans and bought you a wedding dress. And we were stupid the whole way there, but we didn't care at all.

Tasha, remember the night Paul thought I was angry at him because of the mix up about winter ball, and he wanted me to call him to talk things over. And every five minutes I'd put the phone down and cover it up and tell you what he was saying. And we couldn't stop laughing, and then I'd try to act all serious on the phone.

Remember when Kyle had a party at his house, and we all rode the bus over because none of us (and still most of us) couldn't drive. And Tasha was too scared to talk to Tony, and Paul and I pretended to get married outside. and we watched Sin City, and David was silly, and Haley was adorable, and Adam Blanchard and I "mated" on the couch.

Do you remember when Tasha and I stayed at her house and watched Forest Gump and then went to the fair, and met up with Paul Rory and David. And David still didn't like me very much, and Rory kept on asking me to buy him things, and Paul got sick, and Rory and Tasha held hands he won her a unicorn, and later that night Tasha and I made the emo sword and talked to Rory and Paul on multiple 3 way calling systems.

Max, remember when you were my best friend in the world, and we would steal your mothers mini van every night and drive to the mall. And that one time we picked up Nick, Ryan, Hilary and Haley, and drove them all home, and you sped and everyone was really scared, and we almost didnt make it home in time.

And then the time we went to the gazebo. And played truth or dare, and laughed because Kyle peed on the library. And Kristen did a pole dance on a tree. And we ate pizza and drank soda at Max's, and his parents asked why we were all out of breath and tired looking.

Remember when Kyle got his lisence and the first day he had it, and he took Paul Euny and I out driving, and we listend to Waking Ashland, and we played in the darkness at Charlotte beach?

And the time Euny and I stared down Haley Bruce on church st, because we recognized her from myspace? And then only to meet her two hours later and fall in love with her and her adorable self.

Remember when a bunch of us saw Rent? And I hated it, and Adam got mad at me for it.

Remember that one Halloween at Norahs? And we all looked really silly, and Jane and Kyle were flight attendents and pilot. and Euny was the dead bride, and Paul wore a fat woman costume, and Hilary, Haley and Jill showed up and we told reall scary stories under the table, and Paul scared us. and Kristen got a toy boat stuck to her tights and it took us twenty minutes to get it unstuck. And Rory and David couldn't go, and it was sad.

I do.
I remember those amazing 6 months of 2005
I hope you will too.

Mon, 02 Jul 2007 17:40:31 GMT

I wish i could write you all letters.
especially the ones I've been with the past couple of weeks.

to tell you all how much you mean to me.
and how you're making this the best time of my life.

Hello World.

Wed, 27 Jun 2007 04:14:27 GMT

My name is Hannah Ruby Greer. I was born on February 9th, 1989 at 7:20am. I am 18 years old, and I believe I was born two years earlier than I was supposed to be. The future terrifies me, and I fear I'll develop a serious Peter Pan complex. I am the most confidant self loathing person I've ever laid eyes on. I am the human cliche. I develop patterns of repetition because I think it sounds beautiful. I have a flair for the dramatics, which is quite possibly the largest understatement of the century. I write stories and poems that only make sense to me. I create personal inside jokes with myself and apply them. Make of them what you will. I make friends with boys easier than I do with girls. Call me crazy, call my psychotic, but you've had as much bad experience as I have with them, you'd be cautious too. The girls I am friends with, I trust with my life. I give too many second chances to people who don't deserve them. I like to think there is something good about everyone, which leads to me realizing that as much good, there is also bad. I'm incredibly well spoken. My linguistics are always acurate. Language is a beautiful thing to me, and I don't think people use it to its full potential. I'm fat. Not pudgey, big boned, or doughy. I'm flat out fat. I've accepted the fact that I'll never be skinny, but that doesn't stop me from dreaming about cat walking sometimes. I'm not gorgeous, beautiful, makeup pretty, or naturally pretty, but I am kinda cute. Cute Fat Hannah. I dress well for my body type and I'm constantly critiquing people on their style. I have the best group of friends in the entire world. With out them I wouldn't be the person I am right now. Popularity is important to me. I constantly crave approval, and by being myself, I feel fake. I'm a complex creature, and if you get to know me...you'll probably agree, but you can smile and pretend to understand me. Becareful when you become my friend, because you may wind up breaking my heart.

Sun, 08 Apr 2007 00:21:42 GMT

"Im not gonna lie, at times my friends can be snotty, and arogant, self centered, and pretty elitist, but what you have to understand is that we're all pretty tights, and that we act this way b/c we wanna make sure a friendship is for real, not some passing fad so we'll look at eachother down the road one day, just nod, and go on our way. We act this way because we want to remember eachother.

It's hard explaining it to some people.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 12:45:12 GMT

"Hannah what makes you happy?"
"....I don't know."

But as I walked down the hall, tears streaming down my face, I realized what I was walking towards. My friends, my family, my life. The only people who seem to make me genuinely happy. As I cried on Caitlins shoulder, i realized how much i love them and how i would probably be lost without them
<3333 i love you kids.

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 12:33:32 GMT

im in a bad mood.
current issues is lame.
i love chelsea.
forever.
duh.
Max is being an ass lately.
and never hangs out with me anymore.
b.c he's too cool for me now.
whatever.
if he wants to hang out with his cool little rich snobby girlfriends, and completely forget that I exist, I don't care.
Yes I do.
I lied
It pisses me off so fucking much.

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 17:58:04 GMT

"Fat bitch"

Let's take a look at that statement for a few minutes. Just look at it. I don't care if you didn't mean it, or that you say it to everyone. I don't care. It hurts, and it's especially hurtful to me, for reasons I can't even explain. It's not funny. It's not okay. I'm not making a big deal out of this. I'm being real about this.
I can't even explain it.
Im too hurt.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:52:09 GMT

I am so going to see Public Enemy on March 12.
and Im also going to The Ataris on Feb. 25.

Whose with me?

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 18:35:58 GMT

Rory Pierece is a failure as a human being

he also blows at arts and crafts.

and has BAD taste in clothing.

Thu, 18 Jan 2007 13:30:42 GMT

Rory pierce is a good for nothing douche bag.

fuck him and his whorish mother.

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 04:47:49 GMT

so i like a boy.
duuh.
he probably likes one of my other friends.
they always do.
but i think he's adorable, and funny, and all that jazz.

Sat, 16 Dec 2006 17:26:55 GMT

This year. Wow. Never one to forget.
More to come as it draws to an even closer end.

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 03:32:12 GMT

Bye bye Aubrey's house.
bye bye freshman and sophomore parties of movie watching and giggling.
Goodbye first house I ever got drunk/high in.
Goodbye bedrooms
living rooms
kitchens
Bye bye Lynn in the kitchen Steve in the garage.
Bye Bye creaking stairs and ever moving sectional couch
Bye bye Kitties and Chester with your crippled foot.

I cry everytime I think about the Moons.
I want to do something
I need to do something.

I cry whenever I think about how horrible they must feel if I feel this horrible.

I'm going to do something.

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 01:04:50 GMT

It's time to eat my own words.
After vowing to never wear them, I caved today, and as an early much needed Christmas gift, my mommy bought me a pair of "raisin" (purple) Ugg boots. They are the most comfortable things alive. They were expensive, but not as expensive as I thought they might be. I haven't taken them off all day. I hate to say it but, I love them. It's alright though, Im not a stupid whiney fifteen year old anymore, they're a good investment, as they're high quality and fucking warm.

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 14:41:17 GMT

I know it's not much
but it's the best I can do.
My gift is my song.
and this one's for you.

I remember growing up like it was only yesterday
Mom & Daddy tried their best to guide me on my way
But the hard times & the liquor drove the easy love away
And the only love I knew about was hard love

It was hard love, every hour of the day
When Christmas to my birthday was a million years away
And the fear that came between them drove the tears into my play
There was love in daddy's house, but it was hard love

And I recall the gentle courtesy you gave me as I tried
To dissemble in politeness all the love I felt inside
And for every song of laughter was another song that cried
This ain't no easy weekend, this is hard love

It was hard love, every step of the way
Hard to be so close to you, so hard to turn away
And when all the stars and sentimental songs dissolved to day
There was nothing left to sing about but hard love

So I loved you for your courage, and your gentle sense of shame
And I loved you for your laughter and your language and your name
And I knew it was impossible, but I loved you just the same
Though' the only love I gave to you was hard love

It was hard love, it was hard on you, I know
When the only love I gave to you was love I couldn't show
You forgave the heart that loved you as your lover turned to go
Leaving nothing but the memory of hard love

So I'm standing in this phone booth with a dollar and a dime
Wondering what to say to you to ease your troubled mind
For the Lord's cross might redeem us, but our own just wastes our time
And to tell the two apart is always hard, love

So I'll tell you that I love you even though I'm far away
And I'll tell you how you change me as I live from day to day
How you help me to accept myself and I won't forget to say
Love is never wasted, even when it's hard love

Yes, it's hard love, but it's love all the same
Not the stuff of fantasy, but more than just a game
And the only kind of miracle that's worthy of the name
For the love that heals our lives is mostly hard love

Sat, 25 Nov 2006 03:22:00 GMT

Being half drunk
andh haklf high
like now
kinda sucks
holy shit;
i hate it
my head fucking hurts to the extreme
and i may throw up
because i am stupid she goob
and drank lots of wine
IDIOT
love,
Me.
<333

Sun, 12 Nov 2006 07:26:41 GMT

9 times out of ten
I like men with long hair.
Fun fact of the day.

A Lesson in my family history

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 03:49:44 GMT

February 6th 1935.
THE BARRE DAILY TIMES

The community was saddend and shocked on Monday Jan. 28 by the sudden death of Mrs. Earl B. Greer from an attack of influenza-pneumonia. Mrs. Greer had been ill only a week, but her condition from the onset of the disease was critical and all efforts made by doctors and nurses were futile.
Mrs. Greer was descended from Col. Thomas Johnson and Gen. Jacob Bayley (http://www.vtliving.com/towns/newbury/bayley.jpg) My great great great gradnfather, being the only daughter of the late George D. And Katherine (Bolger) Johnson. She was born in Hartford Conn., on March 22, 1888.
When a tiny child, she developed an aptitude for dancing and in an incredibly short time attracted the attention of the professional world. She made ger debut as "Little Ruby" at the age of three at the famous Tony Pastor's theater with the Stage Children. Her daintiness and loveliness, as well as her true artistry, made her an instantaneous success, and she became an immediate demand all ovr the country, appearing first in drawing rooms and shortly upon the legitimate stage. She portrayed Alice in the original production of "Alice In Wonderland," which appeared first in Philadelphia. Later she played with the most famous actors and actresses of the day, among them were E.S. Willard, Maude Adams, Olga Nethersole, E.H. Southern, Rose Coghlan, Robert Mantell, etc. According to newspapers reports of the early nineties (1890's hahahaha) "she was the most widely known dancer of the world.
She danced not only in every state in the Union, but also in England, where she appeared before the royal family, wich included the late Queen Victoria (we have a bible with her name engraved on it, presented to her by Queen Victoria with a little card declaring it) and his late majesty, King Edward, also the martyred Czar of Russia, who was then the Tsarevitch, and another cousin, the Crown Princess of Roumania (the present Dowager Queen Maria of Roumania), and the now present King of England, who was then the Duke of York.
During her first tour of England Mrs. Greer was baptised in London by the Archdeacon of Sudbury, one of her godmothers being the Countess of Winehilsea and another Mrs. Johns Leslie of New York.
Mrs. Greer's father died when she was a small child and upon the loss of her mother in her early teens, she left the stage and made her home with her aunt and uncle, Mr. and Mrs. Robert Rollins of Hartford, Conn. Being in poor health she came to Newbury in 1910, where she soon became well and strong, and on Oct. 23, 1912, she became the wife of Earl B. Greer.
Naturally vivacious and full of life and energy, friendly and gracious, also of great artistic ability, Mrs. Greer easily made a place for herself in the community and the surrouncing towns which cannot be filled, and her loss will be felt not only at the present timem but the months and years to come. She was inherently a home-loving woman, and in spite of her early wanderings clung to her home and family, lavishing all her love and interest upon those nearest and dearest to her in an unusual manner. She was content to let the world go by; her world lay within the reach of her arms.
She is survived by her Husband Earl B. Greer; two children, Katherine R. and Earl B., jr; one sister Mrs. Arthur Holmes of, of Waterbury, Conn., and a niece Mrs. Walter Deacon, of Waterbury, Conn.

I've never seen a picture of her. I only know what she looks like through the statues of her sitting in our house when she was little, but I know my great grandmother was an amazing person and I would have loved to have known her. My dad and I are trying to find a picture of her, as he's never seen what she looks like either. I feel proud to be related to her.

Mon, 06 Nov 2006 21:39:24 GMT

Ever get those bipolar days?
Yeah today was one of them
Sorry guys.
Its none of you, so sorry if I was a bitch <3

German and I have reached new heights of non verbal communication. AKA we smile at eachother in the hallway.

Who knows, maybe a conversation some day. I feel like I could only do it if I were alone with him.